North Korea, Best Korea!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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