I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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