Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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