just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
