Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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