halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize