I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
