i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
