oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
