omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
