Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Girls should come with a carfax report
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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