proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
