I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Someone came in the potted fern
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
