you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
