Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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