Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
