I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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