i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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