If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
