my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
