So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
