420 ftw
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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