I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
