Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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