I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
