He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
