I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
