when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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