I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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