Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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