I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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