Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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