I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
