I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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