i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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