my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We have started to decorate penises.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
