Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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