There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
