And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
God gave him joint rollers for hands
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
