Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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