I want to stick my p in your. b.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
