I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
