How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
