What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
