his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
