I think scott just propositioned me for sex
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
