Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
