you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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