I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
