omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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