i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
