I'm so fucking centered right now
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
