He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I need a beard to bite.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
