i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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