I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's shark week go big or go home
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
