my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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