Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
