Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
