My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
