nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize