Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
