hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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