This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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