She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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