I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
