It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
