You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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