i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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