honey bunches of taint.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
