if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I faked an abortion last night.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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