He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
we should paint friendship bongs
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
