He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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