I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
worst night to have a conscience
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
