just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I need to sanitize my soul.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
