Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize