Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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