Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We left an ass print on the piano.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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