dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
