We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
