we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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