my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
