Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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