This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
