Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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