I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
What drink are we having for lunch?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
