Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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