Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
