this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
