Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
