yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
