I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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