I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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