She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
