His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
