it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize