dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
