god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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