a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
did you just send me my own nude
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
