I bet he comes in French.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
