Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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