I just saw a hot homeless man
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
