smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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